This Can't Wait

Man! God totally has my number in just the first chapter of Grace Based Parenting. I didn't think I would post about this until later in the week, but there was just so much stuff that spoke right to me in the first chapter that I can't go to the next one until I document some of what I'm learning about myself... not so much for your benefit as mine. I know if I write it, it'll sink in better than if I just read it.

Gaaah! I've got the music channel on, been listening to the Contemporary Christian channel all morning. I just finished reading all this really phenomenal and tear-producing stuff about parenting. My heart is so soft toward Eden right now... and what song comes on?? Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle! So now I'm trying not to bawl. Geez Louise! Gimme a break!

Ok, got through the song... Let me put my glasses back on. Onward.
The biggest theme of this first chapter that I sooooo needed to hear was that all the decisions we make as parents ultimately won't matter when we look ahead to the adult our child will become and the choices they will make without us if those decisions are based in fear. So that means that if I home school, require modest clothing, spank, lead my kids to Christ at an early age, teach manners, don't allow my kids to date, and whatever other ultra-do-good things you can think of... those decisions, although some would consider them wise and even Bible mandated, will not, I repeat, NOT produce the adult I was aiming to produce by doing all those things IF my child-rearing decisions are based in fear. That's the key. The "heart reason" behind all these seemingly honorable choices in child-rearing is what really makes the difference.
This is so hard for me to swallow, because every fiber of my being screams that "grace" is just a Christianized way to say "lazy, lax, and boundary-less." And why wouldn't a child with all these aforementioned boundaries naturally be better off as an adult. They will have avoided so much pain. They will have made (with plenty of guidance, aka. control) such good choices... Ok, crying again... glasses off... just a minute. Alright back to this.
They will have so much less emotional and spiritual baggage that all the people who went through public school, dressed less modestly, weren't "properly" disciplined, came to Christ as a teen, and dated around will. RIGHT?? What am I supposed to do? just let Eden make mistakes, get hurt and have a testimony of how God brought her back from the pain in her past? NO. I still don't believe my child's story has to be one of pain and mistakes to be real or effective.
Here's what I'm learning. Rules, even if they are God's rules, can only affect the outside. You need grace and love to affect the heart. The heart/Spirit is what I want changed in my children because that is what will take them through life. They need a heart-purpose, attitude and compass to take them into the world they will live in. In order to minister to the lost (our WHOLE purpose here), they will have to go to where they are. My life right now.. and my parent's life, by the way, pretty much consists of a Christian bubble. Christian bookstores, Christian music, Christian education, Christian friends... all good things, except if we have nothing else to show when we get to heaven. Can you see me now? "But God, I raised my kids right. I only fellowshipped with other Christians. I only watched movies rated highly by Christian sites. I only listened to Christian radio, jazz, classical and oldies. Aren't you proud, God?"
Once again, the fearfulness in me screams, "So I'm supposed to surround myself with secularism, not bat an eye at an R rated film, and go witness to folks in brothels?!" Well, maybe to the last one.
It's a huge struggle for balance within me that I can see isn't going to end any time soon. The main thing is to let the main thing be grace not fear. Right now, if you asked me why I don't want to send Eden to public school, my answer would start with, "because I'm afraid that..." If you asked me why I don't think Eden should date, my answer would say a lot about all the unhealthy, unnecessary stuff I think can be avoided, but once again, my motivation is fear. Until my decisions are not motivated by fear, but by God impressing on my heart that this is His way for His child, they won't amount to a hill of beans.
I could go on, but I won't. I need to think. I need to pray. I need prayer. I need help. I need grace. I need God. That is clear.