White, Fluffy, Bearded Lies

This blog might be all over the place because I am not doing it while the kids are napping.  That means Eden is on the couch talking about whatever crosses her mind, because she MUST be talking CONSTANTLY.  This girl does not stop.  She's complaining of a tummy ache, but she's not resting or anything like that.  NOooooo.  Play through it and talk through it.  That's her motto.

I am trying to keep Arielle from being bitten because she is pretending to feed Dolce something imaginary from her little chubby fingers and Dolce doesn't like my children.  And, of course, by the time I've written a few more sentences, that all will have changed and they'll be doing something else completely.

Onward.  A friend of mine asked me a couple weeks back what my views on Santa were.  I told her the short version because there were babies fussing and toddlers waiting for a moment of Mommy distraction to take advantage of.  Since then the deliberate decisions we as a family make about this holiday have continued to be brought to my attention.

First, let me give you some background on how I was raised.  My parents treated Santa almost like the plague, along with Mary Poppins and the Smurfs.  I'm sure I was aware of him, but we never did pictures with Santa (that's right, there's not a single picture of me crying in Mall Santa's lap in my baby albums).  We didn't read books about him.  My dad might have done some readings of The Night Before Christmas when I got older for the sake of good literature and classic poetry (loves of his), but that was the exception. We had no likenesses of Santa in our home except a small figurine of him kneeling at the manger.  I don't remember what I thought about other kids and their views of Santa.  I don't remember feeling the need to correct them, although that would have been JUST like me to do so.  I don't remember ever wanting to join the long line of fussy children to sit on Santa's lap.  I don't remember feeling left out because I wasn't writing letters to the North Pole.

Fast forward to today.  I have two little girls and this is the first Christmas where I'm really having to live out the path I assumed I would take regarding Santa and his hold on this holiday.

In short, I have made a promise to my children never to deceive them.  And yes, I have thought about all that that entails.  I do my very best to stay truthful about everything.  That means if Eden wants another cookie and I don't want her to have one, I don't look in the box and say "uh oh, they're all gone."  I say, "no ma'am, you don't need another cookie."  I can't think of any other good examples of the white lies that we parents tend to use on a daily basis, but you get the idea.  I try to eliminate them.  I want my child to have a commitment to the truth so that I can trust her when I ask her a question.  I tell her the Upshaws are truth-tellers so that she can have a family identity that includes integrity.

Ok, this is getting long.  I knew it would.  I'm pretty sure you can extrapolate from here how we treat Santa.  We've come to a happy medium between my upbringing and my husband's (a more typical, Santa inclusive one).  I don't treat Santa like the plague, but I try to make sure he is not the reason for the season or even the slightest majority of its focus and, as you've guessed, I will never tell my children he is real or brings us presents or is omniscient and knows what every child is doing all the time. 

Ok, bunny trail... can I just rant for a moment about how Santa is very God-like.  He is loving, he knows what you're doing all the time, he can be everywhere at once (pretty much, since there's no scientific way to deliver toys to every kid in the world in one night), children essentially pray to him about bringing them what they want and I'm sure there's more.  That all bugs me.

Back to our family... 

We do have a picture of the kids on Santa's lap from this year, but we didn't wait in a long line or pay for it.  I'm not going to dedicate to much effort to that.  And there will not be a page in the album (wait, what album?) every year dedicated to that picture.

We have been watching Wonder Pets save the Baby Reindeer every day by request and we have been reading a book called "I'm Not Santa!" (in which the "real" Santa shows up at the end) every night by request, but yesterday, I did start to see the need for some major balancing with some baby Jesus stories.  Especially after Eden said "Santa loves me.  He wants to come into my heart!"  Woops.

Alright, we need to go to the grocery store.  My friend Misty was brave enough to state her views on her blog without apology, so I got the courage to do the same.  Love me or hate me for it, that's where I stand.

Don't hate me though, because Santa will know and you will get coal in your stocking.  :D

I know it's backwards.  I know I'm lame for taking a picture with my computer because I didn't want to upload a picture from a real camera.  But there he is, the same figurine my parents had, now displayed in our home.

And, of course, Eden just saw it and said, "Is it Santa Claus?"  Don't ask about baby Jesus, nooooo.  That seals the deal.  More Jesus needed in this house.

Ok, really leaving now...

Wassail

At Fat Free Vegan's blog there is a yummy sounding wassail recipe that I thought I'd share with all of you. I have not tried it, but all the ingredients leave me with no doubt that it would be the perfect toungue-pleasing, inside-warming drink for the cold days ahead.
I copied from there and pasted here just to make it that much easier for you.  :)

New World Wassail

1.5 quarts apple cider or apple juice
1 quart natural cranberry blend drink (no sugar added)
4 sticks cinnamon stick
8 cloves
10 allspice berries
1 quarter-sized slice ginger
1 orange, sliced
1/4 cup cranberries (optional)
1/2 – 1 cup brandy (optional)

Place all ingredients except the brandy in a large, non-reactive pot or crockpot and bring to a low boil. Reduce the heat to the lowest setting and cover. Simmer for at least 2 hours (may be kept in a crock pot for 4 hours). About 15 minutes before serving, add the brandy and continue to simmer on low.

Strain out the spices and fruit and serve with cinnamon sticks and fresh slices of orange.

Servings: 10
Yield: 2.5 quarts

Lit. Revisited

I've been going through a box of memories and pulling out some things that make me smile.  One piece of paper I just read, I decided to share.

This is from Literature class where I was learning different poetry forms by writing.  I was 15.

A Question of Speed

Everyone marvels at a snail's sluggish pace.
It's quite easy to see why this is the case.
But really, the reason is not hard to trace.
Why run fast when you're not in a race?

:)

Hydrangeas

I don't even really like their name... hydrangeas.  It's so complex and scientific sounding to me.  It doesn't sound like a flower.  It sounds like a disease.  You drink too much water and become over-hydrated and develop welts all over your body.  They're called hydrangeas.
This is not a post about hating hydrangeas, because, well, I'm actually starting to like them for the first time.  I never saw what all the hubbub was about.  The bushes are big awkward things with poufy clusters of tiny flowers that, on their own would be nothing to speak of.  I was recommended hydrangeas by the florist who did my wedding bouquet and I was horrified by the idea.  I'm still glad I didn't take her advice, but I AM warming up to this southern favorite.
I came across a lovely blog and particularly this lovely post and beauty like this is just begging to be shared.  I won't spoil it by trying to describe it, but let's just say that my warming up to the hydrangea may have just bloomed into love.

Tale of a Tailor

You know those jeans I had tailored?  Well, here's how it went.
I put them on and stood on the little pedestal while the Asian woman pinched and pinned until I was satisfied with the fit in the rear and waist.
She said they'd be ready in a week and cost $25.
They were and they did.
And they are a PERFECT fit!!!  These jeans fit the best of any pair I've ever owned and the little yellow stitches all look exactly the same as if they had never been ripped out and redone.  She even put the tag back in as if it had never been touched.  The only evidence of her work is a seam line on the waistband in the back, but it's barely noticeable.  I'd say a custom-fit pair of jeans for $30 ain't half bad.  Totally worth shopping for more consignment gems.

Real Simple

This mag is one of my all time faves and I simply cannot get enough of their "New Uses for Old Things" lists. I really wish I could remember all the clever ideas I've read here over the years.
They've done is again with this post on their web site.

A First

I'm going with Chuck to the tailor later this afternoon.  He's getting some suit pants hemmed for his high school reunion and I'm getting some jeans tailored.  I'm hoping to anyway.  I've heard Stacy and Clinton (from the TLC show What Not To Wear) say over and over again, "Get pants that fit your hips and then get them tailored to fit your waist."
I get so frustrated with the lack of "curvy" options out there for women whose waists are smaller than their hips.  You'd think that was every woman, but apparently not.  The majority of pants I try on, especially if they have no stretch to them, gap in the back at the waist.  I suppose these pants must fit somebody, but not my body.  I happen to know a few other girls with this same issue and then there's all the African American women out there who must also have this problem.  They must!  I see them with their belts on, walking around the mall, and in the back, I can see that there's a pucker in the waistband under the belt.  All that to say that I am not the only one with this problem.
Even Gap's Curvy fit doesn't really work for me.  Old Navy's Sweetheart fit is the best I've found, but I don't want to be confined to shopping for pants at Old Navy the rest of my life!
So, last week, I bought a pair of Ann Taylor jeans at a consignment shop for $5.  They are too big in the waist and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to see if Stacy and Clinton are right.  I'll let you know in about a week.

Cute or Corrupt?

All too often, I run across things targeted for kids that make me do a double take.  Are adults really going to continue to complain that abstinence doesn't work and that kids and teens are too out of control to be trained if they think things like this are ok!!?
It's REDICULOUS to assume that things like this are innocent, buy it for your child (who will see it, memorize it, be wrapped up in it every night) and then have any credibility whatsoever when attempting to train your kid not to be promiscuous!!!
Grrrrr. It makes me so angry.
Look to the right hand column for similar items they recommend.... DORA FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Linens 'N Things would like me to consider Dora bedding right along with this bedding.  You know who likes Dora?  My two-year old!  I can see it now.  "Hey Eden, tell Mommy what comforter you want for your big girl bed.  Do you want Dora or Sex?"
Did I say it was rediculous?  Well, I wish I could think of a stronger word.  It's downright dangerous to let that kind of thinking invade your home while your child is still, well, a child.  Equally dangerous to allow a teenager to think this was just cute and nothing else.
I'm so steamed.  Satan is so crafty.

Job Hunt - The Memories

Browsing the Anthropologie website this morning got me thinking about my days of job applications, interviews and employment.  I don't know if I'll ever revisit those days again, but I was wondering, if I ever did have the option, where I would put in applications.

I remember being so desperate for ANY sort of job... well, not desperate enough to not be somewhat discriminatory about the applications I filled out.  I remember walking the mall and bringing home 25 pieces of paper to fill out and planning to fill out 5 or 6 more online as well.  

I remember taking them all back and being frustrated by not being able to see a manager and no way to find out if the store was even hiring at that time.  Everyone was so vague.  And, of course, the current employees had no interest in truly helping me.

I remember thinking an interview went well and never getting a call.

I remember being offered the position of manager, but then being told that the pay was only 50 cents more and hour and no holidays off.  No thanks.

I remember filling out an online application with all sorts of moral questions about honesty and integrity and thinking that my answers were definitely going to be more than satisfactory.  A few days later I was told that my online quetionairre answers were not acceptable and that I could try again in a couple of weeks.  I did.  I got the same response.  What?  Why don't they want an employee with high moral standards?  Did they think I was lying because no one really could answer like that honestly?  I still wonder... and I'm still offended.

I remember working for the Disney Store and what a really, truly fun and positive environment it was.  I wanted to keep working there and rise through the ranks to become a manager, but then I went to college.  Bummer.  :D

I remember, while in college, getting fired from not one but two different jobs.  That hurt my heart even though, in both instances, it was a mistake on the part of the manager and not me.  The first time, I was fired because I didn't show up when the manager thought I was on the schedule, but I really wasn't.  The mistake was recognized and I was offered the job back, but I just couldn't bring myself to work with someone like that.

The second time, I was fired because I showed up ready to work because I couldn't remember if I was working that day and I didn't want to miss a shift if I was supposed to be there.  What?  Yes, you read that right.  The manager saw me there and asked me why I showed up when I wasn't on the schedule.  I told her I wasn't sure about my schedule. I just wanted to come check so I didn't accidentally miss a shift.  She fired me on the spot.

Ah, the joys of working hourly wage jobs.

So back to my original thought.  I was thinking I would like to work at Anthropologie a couple days a week.  It's funny, even though I'm 30 now, just the thought of job applications takes me right back to my late teens, early twenties.

I guess I'll keep my current day job for now.

Love

  

Wherever this is (I found it here)... I MUST have my picture taken there someday.  Or have this piece of art, which looks very much to me like Frank Lloyd Wright, in my home (the quote in the background, not the photos themselves... creepy).  One or the other.  Or both would be fine.

I went back to the post again and read it instead of just looking at the pictures.  Amazing what a wealth of information you can find just by reading.  ha.  The location is The Cliffs Restaurant in Laguna Beach. Perfect.  Our next trip is planned as of now.

I Wish

The beauty in the words of this belief statement I wish I could say originated with me.  My feelings coincide, but the words are not mine.  Ann Vonkamp wrote them here and I am only pasting them because their beauty should be shared and used to stir others of like faith.  Read on:

I believe in Jehovah God who created the whirling galaxies, the birds soaring in the sky overhead, the endless crashing waves and all that dances within them. I believe in Father of all who knits together life, made in His very own image, in the secret quiet of our beings.

I believe in Jesus Christ, the One with no earthly Father, with the dust of this earth between His toes, and with our names etched onto the palm of His hands, right beneath the nail scars…Who now sits at the Father’s right hand making endless intercession on our behalf. I believe in the stone rolled away, in the Body being raised, in the first fruits of the dead…and us all following soon, very soon.

I believe in the Cross as our only Hope, our only Claim, and our only Foundation. I believe that in the pounding surf of life we have only one thing to cling to: the feet of our Lord, hanging on that tree, His lifeblood flowing down, washing us whiter than snow.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, moving, whispering, indwelling our very skin. I believe in living by the Spirit, walking in the Spirit, and producing fruit in the Spirit…in the Spirit who helps us in our weakness with groanings that can’t be expressed in words.

I believe in the infallibility of the Bible, God’s Word - a sure Word, a pure Word, the only secure Word. I believe the words on those pages are breathed from the very throne room of heaven, are the love letter penned from the heart of the Lover of our souls; a beacon of light for stumbling feet to find sure footing on a dark path.

I believe there is more than believing. There is living what I believe.


I have posted another selection from her very amazing blog over on My Cup Runneth Over.

Quite the Opposite

We decided to leave that first house and it's owners in the dust.  We went back and forth with them, but they were unwilling to budge and we were unwilling to pay more than our realtor told us the house was worth, so we walked.  The very day we decided to quit and go back to the drawing board, our realtor went by a house that wasn't even on the market yet that a fellow realtor was getting ready to sell.  She told us she had just found our perfect home. 
We couldn't resist looking, even though it was out of our original, somewhat arbitrary, price range.  Wow.  It's a really great house.  Chuck fell madly in love.  I saw some details that weren't my favorite, but, overall, it had great potential to be our next bid.  We had our realtor feel out the owner to try to see if he was interested in a particular price which we thought we could afford even though it was less than he thought he could sell it for on the market.  He said he'd certainly look at it, so we made an offer contingent on the sale of our home.
He returned to us with a suggestion and that suggestion ended up being an amended offer that he accepted and we officially have a contract!  Now we had someone that really wanted to work with us.  His suggestion was that we take ownership of the house in August, but then rent it back to him for two months to give us more time to sell and him a place to live while renovating the condo he's moving to.  The rent he will pay us is more than the amount we will owe on the mortgage and will cover not only the months he's there, but a month or two more after he vacates.  This arrangement give us until January to sell our current home without feeling any repercussions in our wallet.  Even better, if we can get someone to buy our home sooner, but wait to move into ours until he vacates, we'll be able to just pocket the extra rent. 
We've taken a big step and the only things left to do are secure our financing and get the inspections out of the way.  Oh, and sell our house.  We're using this Wednesday as a work day.  Chuck's taking a vacation day and we're going to do as much as we possibly can to get our house on the market. 
I've already started posting about some of the changes over at The Pretty Pickle.

It's a No Go

So we offered the homeowners of the house I blogged about $25k below their asking price, because, in this market, you never know. We expected them to counter and hoped to meet somewhere in the middle, no higher than $10k below the asking price.

They don't want to budge. They only went down $5k and when we tried again, they stuck with it. We're not budging on our max, so...

nobody's moving yet.

And we're continuing to look.

Goings On

I'm 30!

Chuck worked from 7am to 7pm, so I celebrated with a birthday donut with my daughter. It was her suggestion, and a great one at that. Who knew Krispy Kreme could be such a fun afternoon outing? We got to watch the donuts roll by on the conveyor belt and get covered with glaze. (I just re-read that and it sounds like we got covered with glaze. That was not the case, although her hands did end up covered in glaze.) She tried counting them, but got stuck at 8 or 9, just like usual and then would start back at 3. hehe

I met with a landscaper this afternoon who wants 3-4k just to spruce up our yard. Um, no. Next, please.

I made an appointment with a painting company to come give us an estimate on touching up the exterior and should be seeing a guy about our interior repainting tomorrow or the next day as well.

Chuck stained and sealed the deck yesterday.

See a pattern here?

Yep, we're gettin' our butts in gear and preparing to put our house on the market.

We drew up an offer to buy a different house this evening. Things have moved pretty quickly, but we're excited at what the new house has to offer... IF we can get it for the price we want. Here are a couple of pictures of the interior for you to enjoy.

This is the huge living room and archway into the dining room. I've already begun to "decorate" and have decided that there's enough space in this room for a craft area, which is very exciting.

This is the den with opening into the kitchen and french doors to the screened in patio/sunroom. The layout of this house is actually almost identical to our current home, there are just a few key differences.

Some of the important changes from one house to the other are as follows:

The yard of our current home is expansive. Beautiful, but expansive. We do want a yard some day. We both love a big blanket of green to welcome you to the house, but Chuck simply doesn't have the time to maintain it at this stage of our lives. The yard of the new home is small, but beautifully landscaped so it has lots of character.

The deck and playset in our current backyard were part of what was attractive about this house, but the screened in sunroom (I HATE mosquitoes!!!) and the covered patio (the sun is just scorching in the summer... or else it's raining) and the POOL at the new house are going to be the perfect escapes from the heat for two girls and their mommy.

The carport in our current home was the MINIMUM we would accept for parking options and, unfortunately, we didn't even really have the choice of any other homes in our price range with garages at the time. In fact, many just had a driveway with no cover. The new house has a two car garage. Yipee!

The master bath in our current home is a jack and jill with the girls' bedroom and opens to the hallway as well. It's just annoying and we never even open the pocket door to their room. The new house's master bath does open to the hallway and the master, but not to another bedroom.

Our current home is a 3 bedroom. I have been saying ever since we got pregnant with Arielle that I wasn't sure how the girls sleeping in one room would work. We made the switch this month and it hasn't worked out at all. They both began waking up earlier and earlier and waking each other up as well. As soon as we put Arielle back in the guest room, everyone got to sleep later. Mommy is happiest with more sleep, but we need a dedicated guest room with a king sized bed. (My parents bought it for us because they refuse to stay with us if they have to sleep on anything smaller.)

The new house has 3 bedrooms, one for us and one each for the girls. AND a pool house with it's own full bath. Hellooooo guest cottage. HAha! I'm so stinkin' excited about our guests having their own quarters that I hardly know what to do with myself. It's possibly THE best thing about the house.

The offer expires tomorrow at 5pm.

Fingers crossed.

Not a Kid Anymore

It is the day before my 30th birthday.
I am having cheese puffs and wine for my afternoon snack.



There is no party tomorrow.
But we might be putting an offer on a house.
I am not depressed, but I am... feeling... different.



My mother was 30 and just about to have her first and only child, me, this time 30 years ago.
What a huge change for her, and she was already 30 when I happened.
I have two girls, am about to (possibly) own my second house, am married to a doctor, have succumbed to the mini-van mom monster (but I refuse to ever don "mom jeans") and am still coloring my hair red, which I began doing freshman year in college.
Did I mention I turn 30 tomorrow and I'm kind-of conflicted about it?


I might learn to embrace it by the time I turn 31.
I'll let you know.

Homo H8?

I'm about to open a can of worms.  But it's my blog, so if I want worms all over it, that's my prerogative.

I believe homosexuality is sin.  I believe it is wrong.  I do not want gay marriage to be widely legalized.  There.  Now that that's out of the way, this post isn't really about my beliefs on that subject, but I wanted to just go ahead and put them out there, because I don't want to dance around that question the whole post.  Onward with what I really wanted to post...

I go to E! Online and get my celebrity fix every other day or so.  Today, I came across this article about the NO H8 campaign.  It was the first I'd heard of it and was curious.  I Googled it and read a little bit and saw some more of the photos.  I was starting to get perturbed, but decided I needed to learn more before I jumped to conclusions about what the duct tape across the mouth meant.  As I continued to research, my first gut reaction was confirmed and I had to do a quick post.

I believe the photo below is the photographer himself, Adam Bouska, if I'm not mistaken.

There are different interpretations of what the duct tape means, but before I even address that.  I think the  8 in the NO H8 slogan is very clever way to reference to Proposition 8 (The California Marriage Protection Act), but I don't think the creator is being fair by using the word "hate" to describe the result of a fair vote that didn't go the way a group of people wanted it to.  There are always majorities and minorities in votes.  The minority doesn't win.  So that means the majority HATES the minority?  No.  It just means the minority doesn't have enough voices yet.

Speaking of voices, now to address the duct tape.  It can be interpreted a couple of ways.  I read that some people think it means that this is a silent protest of the "hating" that's going on toward gays.  Wouldn't that be kind-of redundant though, since a photograph is inherently silent?  Still others (and this was my gut reaction) feel that it means that the people "hating" need to be silenced.  Once again, I don't feel like this was really well thought through.  I'm going to give the creator the benefit of the doubt and assume that he didn't mean for me to read into this all that I did.

But what comes to your mind when you think about a person's mouth being duct taped?  Just play the game with me.  First thing that comes to your mind...   Kidnapping? torture? ... these are extreme, but I'm just saying.  When else is duct tape used over the mouth?  I didn't vote obviously, but if I had, I would have been on the side voting against gay marriage.  

I do not hate gay people, but I am labeled as such and (silently) requested to put duct tape over my own mouth (or maybe they wish to put it there for me?) and support something I don't believe in just to prove I don't hate gay people.  Since when is voting on one side of an issue hating the people that vote on the other side of it?  Since when is voting not a fair way to determine the laws in our country?  Since when is it acceptable by a wide range of people, including Cindy McCain (surprising to me) to want one side of an issue to have no voice?

Isn't the problem that gays feel they don't have a voice?  that they don't have a fair say?  The solution is not to wish a different group the same unfairness they imagine to have.

And here's another article that takes a completely different, possibly less controversial, twist on how the whole campaign just seems to be self promotion of beautiful people under the guise of a "good cause."  Really, their cause is getting less attention or effective action since the voters are who they really would need to get ahold of and the voters who voted against gay marriage probably wouldn't be influenced by hundreds of unoriginal photos.  Just sayin'.

Losing It : The Trend Continues

For the latest update on my bravery and determination, go to Two In My Cup and see the stats.

Vacation Anyone?

Vacations don't really seem like vacations with two little ones, do they?  I know you could have told me that, but apparently I had to experience it myself to know.
Vacations are just your everyday routine in a different location... without all the comforts and familiarity of home... with family that want to spoil your child as much as possible every single day.... and with a spouse, suddenly around 24/7, that you are somehow supposed to be able to effectively communicate and plan with even though you usually only get the chance to practice those skills but for a few hours at the end of the day (if that).  Slightly challenging, to say the least.
I don't have the time or the willpower to make a long post about this, even though there's plenty to post.
Suffice it to say, we didn't really adjust to the challenges until MAYBE the last two days of our two week vacation.  I would say that we'll be better prepared next time...
In some aspects, I think we will, but we will never be taking a 6 month old and a 2 year old on vacation again.  Next time it will be a one year old and an almost three year old, which may be a totally different ball game for all I know.
It was definitely a milestone for me and more of an education than a vacation.

Here are a few enjoyable moments from our education.  :)

More of Me

This blog was intended to give me an outlet, to allow me to practice some creative writing and to help me get to know me by sharing myself with the world... well, with you anyway.
I've been inspired by my beautiful and creative cousin (by marriage), Adair, to re-embrace my literary side.  I feel like I've been enriched every time I read her blog, Pen and Ink.  Maybe it's just because I haven't really ever gotten the chance to get to know her because we've never lived close to Chuck's family since we married.  I am so impressed by her maturity (greater than mine at her age, I think), her love for her family (something I want for my girls), her literary knowledge (more than mine now), her ability to appreciate the details (she photographs them so her readers can appreciate them too) and her turns of phrase (which make everything sound like a Jane Austen novel).
All that was an introduction to my first Poetry Corner post.  I'll be sharing some of my own poetry as well as poems I like or have been a part of my life.
I'll share one of my own to start it off.  I have a whole journal filled with various writings starting in 1993.  I'm not claiming any of them are good.  In fact, I know for a fact several are bad, but I'm sharing anyway.  (Maybe some of the ones I think are decent first...)

Trees

Trees

Stark figures in the night

Leafy silhouettes in the light

Trees

Complexity concealed

God's handiwork revealed

Another One?!

I'm starting another blog.  Yes, another one.  I felt I needed a place dedicated to crafty things.  So if you want chatter and random thoughts, come here.  If you want crafts and such, go there.  See, isn't that much more organized?

The Pretty Pickle is up and running!

On a Lighter Note

My Much-ness

Just finished reading this post over at Jen and the Giant Peach. This beautiful girl... woman... lady... (oh my goodness, what are almost-30-year-olds suposed to call one another?!) anyway, she was a dear friend in college and is still very dear to me even though we are far apart in location and in the paths life has taken. I've been waiting with baited breath for a while for her to start blogging and she has finally started her adventure in the blogosphere. She's mostly focused on her upcoming wedding (who wouldn't be?) but she recently did a more personal post. Go read and return.
Any of y'all relate? I have also felt this way recently, as you may know. I was fine for the first two years of marriage. Still in the blissful land of getting a kick out of calling one another husband and wife, my identity hadn't really changed all that much. Being girlfriend and being wife were sort-of similar. Wife was a much more intense version, but there were some perks too. I didn't feel like my entire identity was called into question... until... I had Eden.

Mommyhood is exactly what I wanted and a title I intended to don and relish all along, but somehow, now that I've arrived, this place is monotonous and often too tedious to be enjoyable. While trying to decide whether or not we should upgrade to a van or a larger SUV, I was again slapped in the face with the struggle I involve myself in everyday to be the hip mom, the mom that other people are surprised is a mom, the mom that thwarts the attempts of "the dowdy monster" and stays (or becomes, in my case) stylish and fit. Jennifer's post made me think of Matthew 16:25. Here it is in the Amplified.

"For whoever is bent on saving his [temporal] life [his comfort and security here] shall lose it [eternal life]; and whoever loses his life [his comfort and security here] for My sake shall find it [life everlasting]."

The Sara interpretation: Every time I get caught up in trying to make my life what I think it ought to be, I leave behind what is truly important. If I could just learn to focus on the eternal, I would feel totally fulfilled and satisfied in this life.
My desire to pursue the thing I think God placed in my heart (dance, the use of dance for worship and the ability to teach and choreograph) is frustrated by my inability to do anything related to it at the moment. My children leave me with little energy, little time to myself and no opportunity to take or teach a class. I've often shed tears over the intense desires I still have to be involved in dance. My body is completely unable to do most of what it could in college and my mental knowledge of technique, history and terminology has eroded away.
 I've asked God why He tortures me with the desires to choreograph peices with movements I can't even do and with groups I don't have access too. Why am I so exhilerated by teaching and have no students? If I had no children, I could possibly be fulfilling myself in all these areas.
Argh!  The rest of my original post was lost because I was trying to do something fancy....  It just basically said that maybe all of the above was good because it might cause me to run harder after God instead of the things that I think I want to do or the things that I want to define me.
blech!  I said it better the first time.

3 Dollar Fancies

I love words. I love poems. I love to write. That's one reason I blog. I don't really exercise my writing skills here as much as I would like, but my brain is more used up than it used to be and poetry and other creative writing ventures don't come as easily as they used to. That's beside the point though.

I went to the Dollar Tree and I bought three sheets of wall stickers. Just the alphabet in sticker form. I've been debating ever since we bought this home about what vinyl wall art I might want to buy, but I can't decide what scripture or saying I want and plus, they're just so darned expensive and I won't be able to take them with me when we leave. For the moment, $3 worth of letters has satisfied me. Wanna see what I did with them?

dance {trust}

I decided to use them on a glass frame too... our very first professional picture as a couple. :)

let love be our accompaniment

Hippie Bow-chic

I hesitate to post this because I did not do a tutorial and I have not finished the one I started for you. The fact is, I usually don't take pictures along the way when I'm making something with no pattern and have no idea whether or not it will even turn out. This was the case here. I just got a vision in my head, had an hour and some fabric that I wouldn't be too, too sad if I ruined and went at it. Have I spent too much time looking at boutique patterns for toddlers? or can grown-ups wear bows too?

SWAGGER WAGON

In honor of the addition of an Odyssey to our family... it's not a Sienna, but we'll try our best to have the same amount of swagger.

The Final Countdown, pt. 2

See. I told you that really wouldn't be the final one. Well, as I was saying...Sort-of along those same lines... I've become aware lately of the possibility that we Christians are too nice, too sweet, too easily molded into something attractive to the world. A friend sent me a YouTube video of a pastor that really stirred me. You can watch the clips here if you like. Don't worry, It's not a whole sermon or anything, just bits.


Then, a couple days ago, I heard this song on the radio and what I heard was completely different than what I would have heard before I watched that video. Here are the lyrics:






Give me rules, I will break them.
Show me lines, I will cross them.
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves and breathe
To sweep me off my feet, it's gotta be




More like falling in love than something to believe in
More like losing my heart than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out, come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love.




Give me words, I'll misuse them
Obligations, I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free, it's gotta be




Deeper and deeper
It was love that made me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me, it's gotta be...


Chorus


A lot of that is true and sweet, but...
but....
Is God's calling without lines and limits? Is being His child void of rules? Is it just like falling in love and being on a "honeymoon high" with our God? Sometimes. If we depend on that emotion, we won't stick with Christianity for long.
There are too many questions that will demand answers or will at least demand that we look at them square in the eyes and say that we don't know the answers but will still choose to serve our God. There are too many situations where we will be uncomfortable and even derided for the sake of our God. (persecution, hello!) There is too much at stake to hang it on something that's "like being in love."
I was almost embarrassed for the writer of this song telling God "It's gotta be" this way or else I'm not going to be able to follow through with it. Yes, there is grace for our unwilling, dis-abled human hearts. Yes, our Lord woos us as a lover and wants us for His bride. But, just as in a marriage, it takes the fortitude of commitment to grow the relationship. It takes a commitment to honoring the rules, the lines and the obligations. The things is, the more you grow together, the sweeter the obligations become and the farther from the lines you stay.

The Final Countdown

Not really... I'm sure there will be another countdown. When I'm a couple months away from 40. But right now, it's the countdown to 30. The big three zero. That's right. I know, I know. You can't believe it. I look like I'm going to turn 21, not 30. Well, believe it. And even though I've lived almost 30 years on this earth, I feel like I've only just begun to know myself, to be somewhat ok with myself and to dip my toes into the concept that what others think or project on me ultimately doesn't matter.
Can you imagine how we would feel and act if we could fully grasp representing Christ and His calling for us, His grace and graciousness (meaning that He wouldn't just run pell mell over people because He didn't care what they thought) AND were also able to fully grasp the non-importance of our measly concerns compared with eternity (meaning that we wouldn't stop to bother with the petty concerns of others or ourselves if they distracted us from the ultimate goal)? I can kind-of imagine it. The fact that I can't even fully imagine it just shows how utterly far I am from attaining it.
I am now going to write the rest of what is on my mind and heart in a second post. Wasn't I nice to you? Now you don't have to feel guilty for stopping mid-post because it's so dang long and you really weren't expecting to devote this much time to my blog at the moment. Or you can choose to read the next post. :)
I'll be 30 June 28, by the way.

In Honor of Mother's Day

...and all of us struggling through the young marrieds with kids stage. My friend Melissa suggested another video by the same woman who did "Wrinkled Ladies," Anita Renfroe. I laughed and laughed at "Wrinkled Ladies" and was totally ready for more.

Go watch this and then come back here to read my thoughts.

What I wasn't ready for was the tears that came because this one hit a bit too close to home.

On the other hand, it brought up again something that's really been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I don't want to have a pity party, (here comes the "but")

but it's just been pretty dang hard to do this kid-raising thing with a husband who often works long hours, must sometimes work nights, often must take his free time and leave home again to study or work on a presentation etc. and no relatives to take the kids for just an hour even. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. In fact, most of the people I currently keep the company of are in the exact same situation and often have less husband time than I do. I was just talking with one of my friends yesterday about the fact that we might have felt totally different about the number of kids we choose to have or the amount of enjoyment we would or would not feel about raising them in different circumstances. I can't even imagine what my stress level would be like if Chuck got home at 4 every day, had no work to do outside of work and if we both got to sleep though the night and if the mom or mother-in-law could take the kids (or even one of the kids) for just an hour or two every now and then. Every one has trade offs, I know. I also know that there are moms in much worse situations than I. I know some women don't even have a husband. I know some people's kids are sick or worse behaved or, or, or... I also know that this sacrifice now is to have a pretty sweet situation in just a few years.

I KNOW. I'm just letting it out, ok? This is the real me. I'm not going to pretend that I don't ever get into a funk about this stuff. I'll get it all back in perspective in a couple hours and buck up and get back to what really matters. Don't worry.

Quick Note on Tutorials

I am delaying my meeting with Jillian Michaels. I know there will be pain involved.

I wanted to write a quick note before I forget regarding tutorials. I want to start posting some. The reason I never have is because I've never thought what I have made was at ALL interesting enough, different enough, or just plain quality enough for anyone else to want to try. I wouldn't mind just sharing with a girlfriend how I did something, but to put it out here on the web feels like I'm claiming to be good at this or know the right way to do it.

I am making neither of those claims, but I've decided to just not care if anyone thinks I am. Or maybe I could make a disclaimer to put at the top of every tutorial.

I will try to do the pillowcase blouse tutorial soon, but there may be a couple of less time-consuming ones coming your way before that. Maybe a hair clip and a way to spruce up a shirt using a zipper... fingers crossed that I get some time to do them!

Ok, ok Jillian, I hear you calling my name. As soon as I'm sure the babies are going to sleep, I'll join you in the living room for some more shredding.

All Types of Ladies

Beyonce isn't my favorite singer or anything, but there's something about her Single Ladies song and video that I really enjoy. I'm amused, impressed, drawn in. If you haven't seen it, you can watch it by clicking here. (There may or may not be an ad before the video.) Her dancing is phenomenal. I don't know if it can be fully appreciated how difficult the choreography is unless you try it yourself. I can say that because I'm trying to learn it. Yes, I've spilled the beans. I'm learning the choreography to Single Ladies to challenge myself... and just for fun. But that's not what this post is about.

Just today, a friend on FB posted a video that amused and impressed me even more.

Check it out here. But don't watch it unless you've already seen the original. Trust me.

The Matrix of the Heart

I was thinking today (not an unusual pastime for me) that there are so many songs out there that talk about putting up walls around our hearts and protecting ourselves from more heartache that, oftentimes, that becomes part of our way of thinking even as Christians. Don't let yourself get walked on or hurt again. Be strong and smart, etc.

It struck me (and by that I mean, the Holy Spirit taught me something) that God, who is hurt and slandered and betrayed and scorned constantly by the ones He loves the most, continues to reach out, give of Himself and offer His affections in the very same manner. Now, that's not so impressive, I guess. He's God, right? We're just humans.

Well, I think He can do that because He doesn't depend on anyone else for His image, His confidence, His security. He knows exactly Who He is and He's not concerned that what someone thinks or says about Him will change that. Now, we know from His Word that He can be grieved and saddened, but that doesn't stop Him from giving to us.

Yes, we are "just" human, but that's why Christ died for us... to give us abilities that we can't expect to have by depending just on our human condition and sinful nature. Guess what? If we know who we are in Christ, we have the fortitude (and the calling, by the way) to keep loving and reaching out to people that have hurt us. We can have the ultimate confidence in Whose we are and Who holds our hearts in His safekeeping. Why should we worry about or image, our pride, our soulish selves?

I'm not trying to sound insensitive. I'm not saying I can actually accomplish this. I just caught a glimpse of what might be possible if we were to fully embrace Christ's gift and purpose for us. I'm not saying to be unwise. Don't get physically hurt. Don't put your life at risk.. unless the Holy Spirit leads you to. Oh, to be so close to the Spirit that we knew HIS wisdom instead of depending only on common sense and worldly advice. What makes sense to the world doesn't cut it in God's Kingdom and those who follow Him should look like fools to the world.

It's like the Matrix out there. Everyone in the Matrix follows the rules of their computer coded world. Laws of gravity, time etc. But those "delivered" from the Matrix and with knowledge of the deception do not abide by those rules and even make decisions that look unwise to those still inside and unaware.

Let's get risky with our hearts. Because really, there's no risk at all if they already belong to the One Who made them.

Favorite Friday

Favorite hobby besides dancing: photography!

I would LOVE to be paid to do this, but I don't know enough to be confident enough to ask for anyone's money, besides, as soon as you get paid for something, stress is introduced into your hobby and I want to just be free to enjoy it.

So maybe I wouldn't love to be paid to do this. But I guess I kind of am anyway.

Paid in the currency of smiles and cherished memories, ohhs, ahhs and wows.

A Hostess at Heart...

...I am not. But I do wish, one day, to acquire the skills and the accessories to be a marvelous hostess.

Here is one tutorial I could SO do in the meantime. Please go and check out this awesome DIY if you have ever served cupcakes or other dainty sweets and wished for a beautiful or unique tiered cake stand to present them on.

I am SO doing this!!

Wishful Wednesday

I always thought cleaning ladies were for people with money and big houses. My perception may be changing. A friend of mine had a lady come to do spring cleaning for her because she is having a baby in June and wanted the house extra clean. That started me thinking that maybe I should do that once every three or four months. Then, when I was talking to someone else about it, she said that her friend HAD to make room for it in the budget on a regular basis and now her marriage is a lot happier. That's the one thing she just really disliked doing and her husband really liked being done, so now they're both happy.

And just today, at breakfast with a lovely group of ladies, one of them mentioned that she has someone come regularly and that it really lets her focus on other things (aka. the kids) and makes her husband happy as well. She said it's the best money she spends in her month and hasn't bought clothes in a while just so she can keep the cleaning lady coming back.

Wow!

It's true, though, that just to keep the house picked up and tidy, not CLEAN is a daunting task and one I rarely accomplish. It seems I'm always juggling schedules. One is up. The other is sleeping. They're both sleeping and I don't want to wake them by doing loud things like putting away dishes or vacuuming. The one that just woke up wants a snack and then wants to play outside. It gets too crazy to stay in the house a second longer, so we go out. It never ends. I also feel like, even though I do play with them and feed them and hold them and bounce them etc. that I never quite give myself to it completely. It's not that I'm consciously thinking about the fact that there are other things to do, but I do think I could enjoy them more if I knew the floors, windows, tubs, toilets and sinks were clean and all I had to do was laundry and picking up after myself and them.

So now I'm seriously wishing for, seriously considering the possibility of... "the cleaning lady," whoever she may be, paying us a visit. Maybe even on a regular basis. It's been a rough month or two with the budget and we're considering buying a bigger car for me to cart the girls around in, so this may continue to be on the back burner and stay a wish for a while.

Any thoughts? do you have a cleaning lady? and if not, how do you make the cleaning happen with small kids?

New Clothes!

I FINALLY got a chance to sew something else! I've had piles and piles of fabric on the guest room bed calling me and then it all got put away at Easter because my parents came to see us. I got it out again a couple of days ago while looking for my craft box with all my bow making supplies in it. I failed to find the box, but the fabric started calling me again.

I decided to make something for myself this time. Since, for the most part, all I have to wear these days are clingy t-shirts of various colors and designs, I've been wishing for something a bit stiffer to hide my left-over baby belly. I can't seem to find anything in stores I like that I'm also willing to pay the $$$ for. I have been wanting to try a pillowcase top or dress for a while and decided to take the hour that was handed to me by a miraculously coordinating schedule and go for it. Here's what I came up with! I think it looks better with a belt, but not this belt. I need to get a natural fiber belt, something similar to the hat...

Favorite Friday

This whole Favorite Friday thing is actually kinda weird for me because I usually don't like the question: "What's your favorite _________?"

I certainly never thought I would have a favorite nail polish. My favorite color has been purple for as long as I can remember, but I've never cared for lavender really. And I definitely never considered it for a nail polish color.

For some strange reason, as of the past couple of months, I just feel so pretty with this particular nail polish color on my fingernails. It's called "Done Out In Deco" by OPI and I can't explain my attraction to it.... but I love it!

I have painted my nails with it no less than three times in the last few weeks, and with about 15 nail polish colors that I like to cycle through, that's saying a lot. Painting my nails has become a new way for me to express myself, feel pretty and relax after the kids have gone to bed. It's somewhat therapeutic. I find that, lately, I'm holding on to anything that I feel makes me an individual... separate from just being "Mommy." It's not that I don't want to be "Mommy," but I am still struggling to find myself within that relatively new label.

Wow, this post turned out to be deeper than I intended. Maybe I need a shrink. Or maybe I should just repaint my nails.

Wishful Wednesday

My wish, as of late, has been for some great family photos. My parents came in town for Easter and my Mom took this gem...

but I wanted more. I have been wanting some photos of us in the downtown area for some time and then a friend of mine who is a photographer posted on Facebook that she would be doing some mini-sessions in the downtown area. The price was reasonable, the date was available for us and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to capture our family as it is now, in the city where we are building it.

Didn't Misty Slay of Fresh Fotography do a marvelous job?! I'll show you more when we get more pics to show. She just gave us a sneek peek while we wait for the files on CD. I am so, so happy I got my wish.

It's About Faith

We watched Ben Stein's "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed" last night. We have a subscription to Netflix now and it's allowing us to get films that we otherwise might not bother to see because we're not having to pay 4 or 5 dollars a piece to see them.

If you haven't seen this film. I highly, highly recommend it. I know I'm coming from a belief system that probably allowed me to easily receive what the film was saying, but I was really impressed with Ben Stein's methods and questions. He did not seem biased or close-minded to me and often tried to assume the point of view of the majority, only to find a different truth.

I must say that the opening sequence with footage of the Berlin wall and other interspersed footage throughout of clips ranging from a bully sitting on a young boy, to men slapping one another, to Nazi Germany were a bit overkill if the makers of the film were hoping that those not already persuaded that Intelligent Design is a valid theory would watch and not be offended. In other words, I think that those not in his camp, Ben Stein immediately offended by his satire and metaphors instead of gently bringing everyone together on a journey of discovery.

Some random things that struck me:

There is a point in the film toward the end where a certain evolutionary biologist, Richard Dawkins, reads a section from his book "The God Delusion" describing the Judeo-Christian God as all sorts of awful things like homophobic, murderous and other evil adjectives. He also assures Ben Stein that he believes in no gods whatsoever. If taken to it's end, this belief means that life is merely happenstance and a series of accidents, there is nothing beyond it to live for and therefore, no reason to behave a certain way, deny ourselves whatever we want, or have any regard for any other of the meaningless human lives around us. The conclusion that I reach from this is that there is no point in criticizing the God you do not believe in by calling Him evil. If there is no God, there is no good and there is no evil and no moral standard. So the God you do not believe in can not be evil. Do you see what I see? The belief that there is no God almost implodes upon itself. If you want to believe there is no God for other reasons, then fine, but don't call His character into question. You have nothing by which to judge it if He does not exist.

There was also a fabulous section of the film where they show animations of a typical cell's inner workings. It was like worship just to look at it. Incredible. Phenomenal! Words can't describe the awe which I felt. It's been a long time since I learned about the parts of a cell and it was a good review in why our God is so great. Many scientists have staked their entire belief system on a one in several trillion chance of just the right order of proteins coming together to even make the first one-celled organism. What strong faith they have in their theory!

No one Ben Stein interviewed could tell him empirically the origin of life. (of course) It takes faith to believe what no one was there to see for themselves.

Parents' Beware

I've been concerned, ever since I got pregnant that there wouldn't be any quality shows on for my little one to watch once she got here. I've been so pleased to find that there are still shows other than ones that include disrespectful sponges. We like to watch Super Why, Sid the Science Kid and Dinosaur Train in the mornings, and, generally, I'm very happy with the messages these shows present.

My ears are always tuned in though, in case there should be an episode that teaches my daughter something I don't want her to learn. I want her to learn truth, not just what the world thinks is good and right, but real TRUTH.

Today, the episode of Super Why we saw confirmed that I do, in fact, need to be vigilant. I'll try to make the description short. I just wanted to share my thoughts about what I saw.

If you're not familiar with Super Why, the show format is that one of the four kids who are the main characters always has some sort of issue in the beginning. They don't know what the right thing is to do and they call together the "Super Readers," which are their alter egos, to fly into a book and find the answer to the problem. The "right" book magically floats down from the shelves of thousands and from the moral of the story and some letters they find along the way, they learn what their appropriate action should be in real life.

Today, the issue was that one of the little girls had a basket full of apples and didn't want to share. They entered a book where a man had a goose that laid many, many golden eggs. The village people wanted some of his eggs and he wanted not only to keep them all for himself, but also for the goose to lay more and more and more.

The first thing I noticed was that the "Super Readers" focused on helping the goose lay more and more eggs, instead of addressing the man and his issues with greed and selfishness. The goose got very tired because she was caused to lay all these eggs (which, the "Super Readers" didn't seem to understand was their fault). The story ended with the heros changing the last line of the story to make sure the goose only laid two more eggs and could take a vacation. That was it! What? Why even introduce the story as a problem with the man sharing his eggs and pushing the poor goose for more if all you're going to do is help the poor goose lay more?

The secret letters that pop up along the way give them the ultimate answer to the issue at hand when they get back to their clubhouse. The letters spelled "share" in this case, which was good.... but then the little girl says "well, I guess I do have a lot of apples."

So what this story taught my child is:

Firstly, that the Bible isn't our source for answers... but I don't really have a beef with that. I didn't expect it to teach that. Just something to be aware of.

Secondly, that greed is ok as long as you share some in the end.

Thirdly, that the concerns of others (aka the goose) shouldn't be considered...only the ultimate goal.

Lastly, that sharing is only for those who have much more than they could ever use themselves, which allows greed to continue to have a place while satisfying your conscience by giving a little of the excess.

Parents! Beware! Be vigilant! Be involved! Don't let "safe," cute shows make you comfortable. Sift through the cuteness to see what your child is learning and make sure they know the real truth from you.