Sad Favorite Friday

One of my favorite things in the whole whole world to do is create choreography. To hear music, to be inspired, to move my own body as I create, to work with another body to make my vision come alive.... all this makes me feel alive. One of my favorite classes is college was Dance Composition. We created pieces every week. They weren't good and they weren't anything that should have been shown on a stage, but I got to exercise my creative muscles, keep those creative juices flowing.

We also had the opportunity as dance majors to choreograph for the Young Choreographer's Series performance once a year. I got an extra bonus of having the opportunity to present choreography in Ballroom Magic once a year as well. I created a total of 5 works that were performed on stage in my college years as well as performing and choreographing for the church group I was a part of and several other smaller school projects.

After I graduated, I went on to teach at Fred Astaire Dance Studios in Atlanta and participated in developing choreography for many, many ballroom pieces, both to be performed in the semi-annual showcases and for our weekly exhibitions at parties.

While in Augusta, I began a women's dance team at my church and choreographed two pieces for them as well as two for myself, one of which I was able to perform before getting pregnant with Eden (which put any other performances on hold).

Tonight, I was supposed to teach a private lesson to a couple wanting to learn tango, but they were a no-show. I left my Yo-Yo Ma tango CD playing as I waited the obligatory 15 minutes. As I listened to the music, which I hadn't heard in years, I was inspired. I got up out of the chair I was waiting in and began moving my body to the music, at first pretending I was leading the tango and then .... any way I wanted. I started dancing in whatever way I felt the music telling me to. I stopped for a moment, closed my eyes and just imagined what the music could look like with several dancers interpreting it. I began to brainstorm. What might happen here? or there? oh, yes, someone could do this particular movement to compliment that musical strain...

And then I just stopped and sat back down. Why imagine? Why create? I have no venue. I have no dancers. I have no reason. I am like a painter with all the colors and types of paint available to her that she could want, but no brushes and no canvas and a waning pool of experience to draw from. Her confidence is low. Could she even paint something others would enjoy if she had the canvas and the brushes?

I feel pretty lost sometimes as far as my dancing goes. I can get so passionate about it that it completely takes me by surprise how moved and alive I feel (there aren't even really words to relate exactly how overwhelming the feeling can be) when I start moving in an empty space to music I love. My brain kicks into overdrive, thinking, imagining, creating. I can quickly get lost in the possibilities. Like tonight.

But I don't have any possibilities right now. At least a painter can go buy a canvas and some brushes, paint to her heart's content and fill the attic with art if she thinks they're not worthy of display. At least she would have created. At least she would be able to release the swirl of artistic passion within her instead of smothering it until she feels inadequate or possibly unable to retrieve it.

Not to be trite, but maybe I should just paint to music or something... I'm at a loss.