Yet Another Revelation

You know what I realized yesterday? Whenever I do have 30 minutes or even 5 minutes of time to myself where I can get something done or just relax because my baby's happy or sleeping, I need to be more consciously grateful. I realized that I'm not even enjoying the time I do get, because I'm either mindlessly doing whatever until she cries and then I get grumbly or I'm tense the whole time expecting her to cry at any moment. I never thought I would have to put effort into enjoying something, but that's what makes the difference here. For instance, just now when I sat down to write, I had to stop and make myself realize that I was about to experience some "me" time, that my baby is cooing happily in the other room and that this is a nice mid-morning break. voila! I can now truly enjoy the moments as little gifts. Before, it was like I was taking the pretty box and squeezing it with my teeth clenched and eyes closed just waiting for Eden to take it away. Today, I'm going to open it and enjoy it.