This morning I woke up to her banging on her door whimpering because she had crawled out of her crib for the second morning in a row. I am NOT prepared for this. I have been sooooo happy lately with how the schedule is working out between Eden and Arielle in the mornings. If Arielle wakes first, fine, I feed her and then wait for Eden to wake up. (that is the rarest scenario, by the way) If Eden wakes first and I'm not ready to get up, she reaches through the slats in her crib to the wagon filled with books and reads to herself and sings, allowing me to lay in bed longer. Nice, huh? Then I can go get her and feed her breakfast. She watches an episode of Gospel Bill (a show I watched as a kid) while I change Arielle and feed her. Perfect.
Eden climbing/falling out of her crib and then crying and banging on the door, which, in turn, requires me to get up at whatever time it may be and also awakens Arielle is by no means ideal.
sigh. Not a great way to start the day.
After I opened her door, knelt down to her eye level, grabbed her shoulders and scolded her harshly for climbing out of her crib, I had a realization about that moment and about the day before.
See, yesterday, I must have raised my voice at her at least 10 times. She (in random order) yelled "No!" at me when asked to sit back in her carseat, refused to go to her room for a diaper change, asked me 30 billion questions loudly over the screaming of her baby sister, decided to somersault off the couch and consequently hit her head hard on the coffee table after being told not to climb on the couch, continuously kicked the foot rest on the stroller, touched or grabbed everything she was strolled past in the store, stuck her finger down Arielle's throat to try to stop her crying, wouldn't stay in her chair at dinner ... and the list of aggravations goes on. She seemed to be on some crazy drug yesterday and I seemed to turn into a big, awful monster of a mommy.
So, this morning, after I gave her a good shake, glare, and scolding. God shook me, right to my heart and it took my breath away. I was miserable. Instead of giving Eden breakfast, I sat in the chair in our den and cried. She was very concerned and came up to me and leaned on my lap and stroked my leg, which made me feel worse.
I have a HUGE responsibility here and I'm not living up to the task. I know God can help me and obviously He wants to because He got my attention this morning.
Ok God. You want a change, You're going to have to make it in me.
Lord, I give you my heart. I give you my soul. I live for You alone. Every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord, have Your way in me.
3 comments:
SO it sounds like she has hit the 2 year old stage...so fun....and Ella was crawling out of her crib like that everyday for a week. We put her in a big girl bed and she is doing great! It could be time:) or you might not be ready???
Please know that all of us stay at home mom's feel this way, you are not alone!!!!!!
By the way, Amy Norris told me about you and your blog. I am embarking on cloth diapers and need some advice. I also live in Jackson. Where do you order most of your diapers from? What are your favorite versions or brands? I have only done prefolds, pins and plastic covers, as that is all I could find in Babies R Us, LOL. I do have a sample pack of several different brands and versions coming in the mail though. I am not totally turned off by prefolds and am thinking if I can find a good cover, I will stick with them. I will also need some pocket diapers or AIO's for church, daddy changing, etc, LOL. Any advice you can give would be much appreciated!!! Thanks and Happy New Year!
Anna
www.newmanthree.blogspot.com
I just popped over from Just His Best and I had a VERY similiar day. I'm so very thankful that His mercies are new and that my children and WAY more forgiving than me! I'm looking forward to tomorrow!!! Thank you for your honesty.
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