Single and carefree?

I never want to be a single mom. Who would? Well, I actually know someone in my family that would, but that's a whole different situation.
Bunny trail... I wanted to type "a whole 'nother" back there a second ago, because that's what I would have said if I had been talking. Since when can we get away with cutting the word "another" apart and putting "whole" in the middle of it for impact? Why don't I just say "a whole other?" My mom, who was my high school English teacher (home schooled) would be appalled. C'mon, I know you do it, too.
So I never want to be a single mom because I realize on days like today, what a rock my husband is for me. Today wasn't a bad day. In fact, it was a very good day, just full. I had a group of mommies over to my house from about noon-3pm for a play date (Remember that banana bread I was considering making? Well, I made it and they liked it! Successful baking attempt number two, horray!) and then I had a welcome fiesta to attend at 6:30pm thrown by the Spouses Alliance for wives of residents at UMC.
First of all, I have to preface this by saying that I am the type of person that can make myself be outgoing and I'm getting better and better at it, but no matter how easy it is to talk to someone I've never met, no matter how charming they are or how much we have to talk about, I am EXHAUSTED afterward. The level of exhaustion differs depending on the number of unfamiliar people and the time I have to be "on."
Today, I had to be "on" twice, once for 3 hours and once for 1 1/2 hours. Add to that the fact that I am not a hostess by nature. It is not enjoyable for me to have people come to my house. It feels like my space is being invaded even when they've been invited. Am I weird? Add to that the fact that these people that came to my house brought kids. (I know it was a play date...) And their kids were touching my stuff. (I know that's what kids do...) It was a tiny bit stressful. Ok, more addition. Are you keeping up? Add on the fact that at the dinner, I was the only one that had to carry around her baby in someone's beautifully ornate home that had no children. It seems all the other moms either had friends or husbands that could watch their kids. Awkward. Of course, the evening is Eden's fussy time. So there I was at a dinner gathering with about 15 women I had never met and about 3 that I had met once at last week's play date for the Alliance. Not only do I have to suck it up and try to be assertive in starting conversations and mingling (ugh! it's really soooo hard for me!), but I have to not feel like I stick out like a sore thumb with my baby on my hip... my fussy baby on my hip... and green bean puree spewed on my white dress. (I had to feed her at the party, I had no option. She didn't like what I chose to bring, thus it ended up on my dress.)
All this to say, that.... whaaaaaah, I want my mommy! And when I can't have my mommy, my husband does very well to fill the role of hug giver, comforter and general energy-giver-back-er.
I can't imagine not having him. If I need him this much on the good days, Lord only knows how much I'm glad to have him on the bad days.
Only 1 more hour until he walks through the door.

Please Don't

Why do mom's suddenly acquire a language where every directive must include themselves even though it is clearly only intended for the child? I've noticed this phenomenon for a long while now and I vowed that I would not be a mom that it overtook. I'm a "say what you mean" kinda gal and I think it sounds silly to say "We don't smear peanut butter on our faces, please" or "We don't dip Sally Sue's hair in the paint." Of course we don't. I know I don't. Do you?
Sometimes the sentences make even less sense. "We don't try to grab Mommy's coffee cup while she's drinking." So... you're reminding yourself not to grab your own cup out of your hand? Weird. Or something like, " We don't get up from a nap before Mommy comes to get us, ok?" Now this is starting to sound like some sort of multiple personality problem.
Are these moms trying to remind themselves of forgotten etiquette while training their child? Are moms afraid that they will revert back to unacceptable behavior because of their 24/7 involvement with children? Do all moms, in fact, aquire a multiple personality because of the overwhelming suffering experienced in labor and birth? Of course, the answers to these ridiculous questions is "no." But, why do we all do it then? Why am I tempted to say to Eden "We don't pull Dolce's hair. We pet gently."? What force is at work in moms (and dads) to adopt this speech of inclusiveness? Are we afraid that a simple "Please don't do such-and-such" sounds too harsh?
Any thoughts?

Granddaddy's visit

Eden had fun with Granddaddy over the weekend. She's so blessed to have a family that wants to nurture and support her and her parents.

We're looking forward to many more memorable moments in the future.

Yet Another Revelation

You know what I realized yesterday? Whenever I do have 30 minutes or even 5 minutes of time to myself where I can get something done or just relax because my baby's happy or sleeping, I need to be more consciously grateful. I realized that I'm not even enjoying the time I do get, because I'm either mindlessly doing whatever until she cries and then I get grumbly or I'm tense the whole time expecting her to cry at any moment. I never thought I would have to put effort into enjoying something, but that's what makes the difference here. For instance, just now when I sat down to write, I had to stop and make myself realize that I was about to experience some "me" time, that my baby is cooing happily in the other room and that this is a nice mid-morning break. voila! I can now truly enjoy the moments as little gifts. Before, it was like I was taking the pretty box and squeezing it with my teeth clenched and eyes closed just waiting for Eden to take it away. Today, I'm going to open it and enjoy it.

Revelation

Some things that a couple of moms have said in the last couple of days have really stuck with me, so I thought I'd put them here. My food for thought:
Why worry about losing all the weight only to have another child? Why not just have another and then lose all the weight one time?
hmmmm....
Two can entertain each other, whereas you're the only one around to entertain just one.

Back to the weight issue. I have to admit, I've really been obsessed with my figure after having Eden, I think to an unhealthy level. If I really examine my motives closely, I think gaining weight again and losing all the work I feel like I've done to get my pre-baby body back is number one right now on my list of reasons not to have another child. I don't think that reason's good enough. I saw mom's today with two year olds and they looked great. It made me realize... you know, in 2-3 years, I can be back in shape and have my two kids and look great. Everything is a season.
I also saw a picture of one of Chuck's aunts today with 4 out of her 5 kids all together, arms around each other, smiling for a picture. I know they have a great time together and she really loves having a big family like that. It made me realize the temporary-ness of the fussy baby stage. It's like looking to the greater prize. (Not to devalue the fleeting baby years, but they're hard sometimes.)
Is God doing something in me? Yep. I think He is.

Brian Regan

Yay for sharing laughs today! My favorite of the week is comedian Brian Regan. Chuck's family has enjoyed him for years and I was introduced to him a couple of years ago. He's hilarious, and mostly clean which is a rarity. He'll occassionally use the "lesser" swear words, H*** and D*** and A**, so be ware. There is nothing objectionable in the clip. Enjoy!

Just my day

Uggh! The baby's down for a nap after two hours of fussing. Dinner's getting cold on the table as it waits for my husband to arrive home from work (expected him at 3pm, now it's 7:30pm). Dolce is whining outside because I just couldn't stand her barking at every little noise inside. I'm wondering what we're going to do about grocery shopping that was planned for tonight because I was planning on putting the baby to bed at 8pm. Company's coming into town tomorrow. And I didn't get to work out today. Uggh!
Ok, now the good things: I met with some moms today from church for a lunch/playdate. It was really great. We just munched and talked nonsense about random stuff. Eden did really well with the babies and it tuckered her out, so she had a good nap. I got to meet some ladies going through the same things I am. Oh yeah, and the Wheels of Steel I made got rave reviews! (Thanks Kelli!) I never bake anything, much less for small gatherings like that, so that was a really good experience. They were saying I was a little Betty Crocker. I was quick to point out that I was only doing it to make a good first impression so they don't expect it every time. Although, I'm thinking about trying banana bread for next week.
Why does the conversation always have to go to birth stories? I was EXTREMELY good and didn't show my trump card - 36 hours all natural + pitocin toward the end. They were all talking about epidurals and c-sections and unbearable pain... with an 8 month pregnant woman there, no less. I felt so bad for her. It's her first child and she wants to go natural (horray for her!) but she had to hear all these depressing stories. At one point, I just interrupted everyone and said, "but it won't be at all like that for you. You're birth will be awesome." We got to talking after that and found out we have a lot in common, so that was nice. I'm optimistic about finding a good friend in the group. They're all coming over to my place next Thursday.